To the Girlies I Might Have Lead On...

... sorry about that.

Now I've never claimed to be extremely knowledgeable in the ways of the mysterious fairer sex also known as "the female". For proof of this, please read this entire blog. But I thought I was pretty well prepared when I was oh so young and oh so naive.

Yes, I even read "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" in grade school hoping that this would be the key to get a step up on my competitors. I'm not kidding. I actually did that for the sole purpose of getting ladies.

They call that "foreshadowing" of a complete tool.

I digress.

While I might still be clueless now, I was a fucking lobotomized patient back in college. This realization only came to me a few days ago when I got a text message from an old friend of mine in college wishing me a happy birthday.

For a brief amount of time, Mia and I were pretty close, but out of nowhere (or so I thought) she stopped calling. Mind you, this was in college, when I was still very much with my ex girlfriend Lynn.

Mia used to call me up on any given weeknight and see if I was going to the bars. I'd usually meet her in the median and walk with her. Occasionally, we'd come back after a frat party and bust out some amazing, drunken Weezer ballads. One time, she called me in the middle of the night asked if I wanted to sit on the steps of her sorority and eat Bagel Bites with her. And I did.

And then one day she stopped calling me. Just out of nowhere. It really bummed me out at the time and it left me scratching my head. What had happened?

It would take me years to figure out why. Mia's text forced me to think back and analyze the situation. I had to experience years of being single and misreading signals in order to finally understand; like a fucking vision quest.

Mia was one, in a string of girls, that suddenly stopped talking to me once they found out I had a girlfriend. I had totally (unintentionally) lead them on!

In my defense, I didn't know better. I was so completely oblivious, especially because I was legitimately (yes, legitimately) friends with so many girls in college. And I still, to this day, believe that guys and girls can be just friends.

But thinking back on other girls besides Mia, I had left a trail. There was one girl who used to always sit next to me in lecture and expressed interest in coming over to hang out. When she did, she brought a six pack of Killian's and I didn't think twice about it! When she asked what I was up to one weekend and I told her that Lynn was coming to Seattle, I never heard from her again. I always assumed that she just lost interest in being friends, because SHE got a boyfriend or something.

This happened a few times, but I think two examples are enough.

Same thing with Mia. When I told her a story about Lynn, shortly thereafter I stopped getting calls to join her at the bar.

I never put two and two together, even after all of those times. What did I tell ya? When it comes to females, I'm a donkey laying under an apple tree listening to "Turkey in the Straw" on a broken victrola.

* * *

I'm not sure exactly why it has taken me years to finally come to this obvious conclusion. I was always sad as hell that I lost friends and never knew exactly why.

I wonder if you have to be single and go through the experiences yourself before you can come to appreciate these conundrums in the past? To get the questions answered that left you baffled before you gained perspective.

So.

To all those girls who I might have lead on, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to.

I just didn't know better. It just took having it done to me to figure it out.