** Please note: This post was written quite awhile ago. This story sets the stage for things to come and will make much more sense later on down the line.
February 2nd, 2009
I write this post extremely confused what to think. So let me lay it out on the line and I'll let you be the judge. Maybe the answers will be clearer in the future. This post is an experiment with time travel to the ordinary blogger.
Things with Bree have been going pretty well (at least I think so. Oh fuck, excuse me for a second while I furiously knock on some wood). It's been a nice balance; I've texted her just as much as she's texted me. I call her when I feel like calling her and I think she's comfortable in calling me when she's comfortable calling me.
But a conversation last night took a bit of the wind out of my sails.
Bree had given me a call just as I was nodding off reading A Prayer for Owen Meany.
The conversation was running its usual coarse, until she dropped anchor out of nowhere:
"Oh, by the way, on Friday I kissed a guy. It wasn't a big deal, but I just thought you should know."
At this point, I was caught completely off guard and not sure what to think. But I felt my cheeks redden and reach temperatures that would rival a potter's kiln.
So I did what I normally do when I get extremely uncomfortable and nervous; I used humor to mask my pain. I was quick to make a joke out of it, "... you've been worrying about losing your touch and here you are making out with 23 year olds!" I kept it light and even threw in a sly compliment.
She was apologetic (I think legitimately) and I could feel the slight discomfort coming from her end of the phone line. I reassured her that she didn't owe me any explanation or any apology, because really... she didn't.
After all, I wasn't sure what else to say! What could I say??
The conversation switched gears; I asked her about hotel suggestions of where I should stay when I meet her in Santa Barbara. But I just couldn't keep up the charade, I was now starting to sweat and needed to get off the phone.
So@24: Hey, it's already 1 in the morning, I'm pretty tired. We'll talk tomorrow?
Bree: Oh. Yeah. Of course. Goodnight.
So@24: Goodnight.
About 10 minutes later, while I'm tossing and turning to try and go to sleep, my cellphone beeped. A text.
Bree: Hey, I feel weird about that call. I'm sorry if that upset or bugged you. I would sort of be bugged if roles were reversed. Sorry for being such a weirdo.
Still unsure of how to take in all the information, I decided not to respond right away and tried focus on getting some shut eye.
I woke up at 6:00am, having that terrible feeling you get when you groggily discover that you JUST found sleep. I texted her back the following:
So@24: I'm not going to lie, it rattled me a bit. But like I said, you don't owe me any explanation. I appreciate the sentiment though.
Within a few seconds, I was surprised to get a text back:
Bree: Crap. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be honest and it came off so casually because it was weird and I didn't know what else to say.
* * *
On paper, technically Bree did nothing wrong. She's absolutely in the clear. She's an attractive girl in her 20s who is allowed to enjoy alcoholic beverages in large doses if she chooses. And yes, she can make out with dudes if that's what she wants to do.
And yet, I just felt... funny. Humiliated. I'm not exactly sure why and I know that it's not justified. I know I wasn't justified by being weirded out by the whole situation. I haven't even met the girl face to face yet. I don't have any reason to be rattled.
But I guess I also have to recognize that I'm also flesh and blood. And human beings don't always operate on technicalities. Especially when it comes to dating. Lesson learned, So.
Maybe it's because I was hit with the idea that Bree might not really be on the same level as I am. Who wants to hear that a girl you're interested in is making out with other dudes? I finally got what Rivers was singing about when he wrote "No One Else"
I just don't want to be stuck holding a stack of Monopoly money when I've actually been playing a game of Mouse Trap the entire time. Know what I mean? We'll see if this is just a foreshadowing of things to come...
And yet, I just felt... funny. Humiliated. I'm not exactly sure why and I know that it's not justified. I know I wasn't justified by being weirded out by the whole situation. I haven't even met the girl face to face yet. I don't have any reason to be rattled.
But I guess I also have to recognize that I'm also flesh and blood. And human beings don't always operate on technicalities. Especially when it comes to dating. Lesson learned, So.
Maybe it's because I was hit with the idea that Bree might not really be on the same level as I am. Who wants to hear that a girl you're interested in is making out with other dudes? I finally got what Rivers was singing about when he wrote "No One Else"
I just don't want to be stuck holding a stack of Monopoly money when I've actually been playing a game of Mouse Trap the entire time. Know what I mean? We'll see if this is just a foreshadowing of things to come...
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