I took part in my first wedding a year ago, as a groomsmen, when my two very close high school friends got married to each other. It wasn't surprising, everyone knew they'd get together. For the record, I gave an amazing drunken speech (the wedding was in the midst of the breakup, what can I say? I was smashed.)
Last week I got an invite in the mail for another wedding of a friend of mine from high school.
Fuck.
Another one? Why is everyone getting hitched? I'm sweating just thinking about it.
However, what I'm dreading the most is that my friend who is getting married is one of those kids who stayed close with all of her teachers even after high school. Also, there will be a lot of my old peers I haven't seen since my Jansport wearin', Sugar Ray rockin', Mt. Dew: Code Red guzzlin' days.
So, you may be wondering, why would I give two shits about seeing these blasts from the past?
Well, the fact is, is that I haven't had contact with these people since then. Lynn and I were a well established couple in high school and most of these people (yep, including teachers/my wrestling and soccer coaches) will assume that we're still together. I'm cringing just thinking about the onslaught of comments:
"Hey! Where's Lynn?"How does one avoid this? Well, the way I figure is, you gotta treat it like a high school reunion (I haven't had one of those yet). I gotta look crisp, put together, like an adult! That's going to cost me some serious cheddy...
"Are you two married yet?"
"You guys were such a cute couple."
"What happened with you two?"
And most importantly, I have to have a smokin' date. It'll give off the impression that I'm slick, smooth, and have the ability to charm the pants of the opposite sex a la' 007 in Casino Royale. Hot date = no questions about where the ex is.
Now, who lives in Portland? Would escort me to a wedding at the last minute? Is hot? Can (and has) put up with my inebriated tomfoolery when I've visited the open bar one too many times...
Ahhh...
I know.
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