My Kafkaesque experience with the bureaucracy

Moving to another continent is not easy

These days I'm very busy. I'm totally focused on getting my documents translated and verified, so I can move to Taiwan and tie the knot with my sweet girlfriend. Although I had the feeling, that things won't be so easy, I'm surprised how complicated it is to get 4 documents translated and verified. I keep getting different information everywhere I go and every time I come to a new office they say I've done something wrong. The only good thing is, that it gets fixed that way. It's a very slow progress and at this point I still don't know when I can step off the plane and set foot on Taiwanese soil. I'm now somewhat half way through, but the expense is bigger than I expected and it's more time consuming, because I have to do 3 times more things than I was told initially. And most of them can only be done in the capital city, which is over 2h away by train. Once I have all my Slovenian documents translated to English and verified by our courts and ministries, I need to submit them to the Taiwan Trade Office in Vienna (equivalent of an embassy) and when it gets verified there, I can apply for visa. After I get that, I can finally travel to Taiwan and tie the knot with my cute girlfriend. Of course it doesn't stop here. Once in Taiwan, I need to translate everything to Chinese and verify again (and pray that they don't say something's wrong with my documents). Then and only then I will be able to marry my Lily and live in Taiwan with her. I do feel stressed sometimes, not only because I feel like Joseph K., but because it's a long and cold winter and a lot of time has passed, since I've been together with Lily. I miss her more and more by the day. It's about time we meet in Taoyuan, don't you think? So please, my Kafkaesque bureaucrats, work faster, I have a plane to catch and a woman to marry.

生日快樂, 寶貝!

親愛的莉莉,

今天是屬於妳的特別日子.我在這祝福妳生日快樂.謝謝妳出現在我的人生,謝謝妳愛著我.每一次當我在妳身邊醒來,那種感覺就像是我的生日.每一次妳的擁抱和親吻,那種感覺就像身在天堂.我不知道為何.為何我值得擁有這樣一個如此棒的女人.但我珍惜著與妳在一起的每一分每一秒,可惜地,今年我無法和妳共度生日,但我希望妳能感受到我從遠方送來的愛每一天我想念著妳,每一天我再次與妳在夢中相見.但是今日,讓我們忘記距離吧.

我愛妳,你的男朋友寧諾

[Written with help from Cherry]

My girlfriend is unbelievable!

I've been expecting a package from my girlfriend for few days. She told me she sent some moon cakes prior to the Mid-autumn festival. In the past few days she's kept asking me every day, if the package had arrived and I always had to say no. So today I hear the postman coming up to bring me something. I was all excited and happy to finally try the yummy Taiwanese moon cakes. I sign the papers, bring the package at home and start to open it up...

Looked pretty big, wow, must be so many moon cakes inside.

Then I see this: Taiwanese rice cookies and choco pies. What's that? O.o

And then below the sweets there was a small box. What? A portable external hard drive? Wow! The one I always wanted to have O_O

And on top of that a lovely greeting card. She's just unbelievable!

The thing is, I was considering (but kept hesitating) to buy a very thin portable hard drive to store all my pics, music and movies. I think I have way over 1 Tera of these things all together. And then she sends me one without even telling me, just surprising me like that. She's just pure love, she's simply unbelievable. And she does that all the time. I truly have the best girlfriend in the world. Not only that, she stored some movies, music and pics on the hard drive for me. And she knows I like the choco pies and the rice cookies. Oh, and I'll soon get another package from Taiwan: The moon cakes. I'm speechless. Thank you! 我愛妳!

Does your partner ever surprise you like that?

[All photos by MKL, 2010]

Yingge Town, center of Taiwanese ceramics

A lovely small town south from Taipei city

Yingge Town is a lovely small town 30 min away (by train) from Taipei City. A while ago Lily wrote about Yingge and made me very interested. I thought I need to see the place with my own eyes, experience the atmosphere and see how's life in this quite famous Taiwanese small town. And last week I had the chance to finally see it. Click the link below to read about Yingge.

See my Yingge Town and Ceramics Museum photos>>

[Taipei][Taiwan][All photos by MKL, 2010]

...hello Taipei, Taiwan, Asia!

Hi guys! Sorry for being absent from the blogosphere, twitterverse and facebookland. My trip was quite long and when I finally arrived in Taiwan, I was so eager to see as much as possible. I was really tired, had a slight jetlag, didn't sleep during the flight much. Those 14 hours seemed endless. But now I'm back and as promised, me and my girlfriend owe you a post about how our first day was, especially our first meeting. Let that be your introduction to my Taiwan story. In the days ahead I will write many posts about various things I saw here, from food to sightseeing. I hope I won't get bored with it :-)

FROM HER PERSPECTIVE:

Time really flied so fast, when he told me he started to pack. I still thought it's a bit far for me, but when I heard the exact flight time and how he would reach the airport, I suddenly became aware: "Wow...it's real! He is coming to me soon!" Then the nervousness started.

We have 7 hours time difference, so for me his journey would start around my noon. I couldn't stop checking the clock every hour for that whole day and thinking about what he might be doing at that time.

That night I also couldn't sleep, because I worried about the flight and everything. I believed he would be safe, but I just couldn't stop missing him and worrying, it made me sleepless all night. Finally I fell asleep at dawn...

And then the next day I woke up and realized I have overslept!

When I saw the clock, I was really shocked. I tried my best to be quick, because the distance to the airport is a bit far for me. However, I promised I'll dress up good to welcome him, but I didn't have enough time. I had to put on everything in a hurry, take my four bags and rush to the airport. I knew I will be late. I hoped I won't make a negative impression on him when he sees me.

Then I remembered, that I sent him a Taiwanese SIM card a while ago and told him to use it, when he arrives here. I tried to call him on that number, but couldn't reach him... I didn't know what happened, I felt so nervous and anxious on the way to the airport. Just when I came out from the train station and was about to transfer to the bus, I received a call from the airport. A woman, working at the info point, called me and said that there is foreigner, who said he was my friend and that his phone was out of battery, so he couldn't call me. I told her I would be there soon, in about 15min. After the call I was relieved, but started to feel sorry, because I knew he must've been walking around the airport trying to find me, but I wasn't there.

Eventually the bus arrived the airport. I walked into the hall and quickly saw a blonde man. I thought that must be him, because I saw the same suitcase he showed me on the weekend before on his webcam. I walked slowly and quietly, I planned to cover his eyes from the back and surprise him, but while walking towards him, he turned around and saw me... He caught me. We smiled and hugged each other tight, I felt so safe and warm. Although I was a little shy at first, we were so comfortable with each other very quickly. It felt as if we were a real couple before, no one could've thought that we've met for the first time in that moment.

After the initial greeting, he asked me where to go. I felt a little ashamed, because I didn't have a plan where to go. At that time we couldn't go to our apartmentm, because the owner wanted to clean the room first. We had like four hours to kill. So I decided to leave the airport first. We took a bus to the nearby high speed train station. There were some shops and cafés. We went in one and stayed there for a while. He always held my hand. His hand is nice to hold and it's also bigger than mine. And so we stayed at a café for few hours. We talked, drank coffee, ate some food... I felt I was really with my boyfriend, the feeling was so dreamy and wonderful.

I thought: This man came for me in from another continent so far away from here, he kept his words and our story started with a whole new chapter. I felt so appriciated and thankful.

Time passed quickly and we left the café after 3pm. When we arrived at our apartment and could finally put all our luggage down, we both felt so relaxed. He liked the room I rented for us. The flat is located at one of the very typical Taiwanese areas in Taipei County and he is the only one foreigner there.

After we had some time to rest, he said he doesn't want to sleep, he wanted to go out and walk around. I decided to take him to Ximending. I was a bit unfortunate that Taipei was rainy and cold all that day, but we fearless and went exploring the place anyway. We couldn't walk to many places, but we still tried some yummy foods like a Korean spicy fried rice cake, Indian chapati and a famous Taiwanese rice noodle. I was glad he liked all the food. We are both alike when it comes to food: We can eat a lot of different food.

But after we were full and a bit tired, plus the weather was not good, we decided to return back to the flat and soon after our first and unforgettable day has finished.

FROM MY PERSPECTIVE:

I have no idea when my day really started, because I haven't slept all night on Sunday, because Monday was my departure day. I was so nervous and afraid of oversleeping. The hours passed fast and at 6am I grabbed my three bags and mom drove me to the near by train station. I didn't want to have a big teary goodbye, it was brief and painless. Soon after my train to Vienna arrived. I was a bit tired and had mixed feelings. I tried to suppress my emotions, but after the train started to move and I sat in that booth all by myself in the dark, I have shed a tear or two... Leaving behind my family, my home, my safe environment, my part-time job, even my cat, was not easy. I have no idea, if I will succeed here the way I hope and stay here longer (at least a year), but when I left my home, I left it determined that I will. I want to be ready for that, not for the case that it might be another few months long experience.

Lucky for me, everything went fine. I caught all the trains. The whole procedure at the airport was smooth, from immigration to boarding, we were on time and the EVA Air staff was very friendly. I got a window seat and a nice Austrian fifty-something lady sat next to me. She thought I was Austrian to and spoke to me in German. Since I'm fluent, I replied to her normally. When she asked me, where I was from, I replied I'm not Austrian, but Slovenian. How could she know, we Europeans all look same :-P Anyway, I was happy to have her seated beside me, we talked a lot and it made my flight less boring. I only slept for few hours, most of the time I watched movies. I saw like 5 of them. We had a stopover in Bangkok and when we descended, I couldn't believe how beautiful Thailand is from above. I took out my cell phone and wanted to take some pictures. And then I realized that the battery is out. I was so pissed. That happened, because I listened to music on the train to Vienna. Ah, what could I do. It was what it was. We stayed at Bangkok international for almost 2 hours and then finally off to Taipei. Since I was very tired, I didn't think much, be it about the place I left behind or the place I am about to reach. I just couldn't wait to finally touch the ground and stretch my legs and of course to hold the girl of my dreams in my arms.

It was about 11 am, when we reached in Taipei. It looked rainy and cold from the outside. I followed the procedure and everything went fine. Only my baggage took some longer time, I was worried about her waiting for me too long. Some 30 min later I finally come out to the arrival hall, it was quite big and many people waited for their dear ones. I hoped that she will notice me, one of the few white men who came to Taipei that day. I kept turning my head left and right and I couldn't spot her. Where is she? I try to switch on my Nokia to call her, but fail. The battery only lasted like 10 seconds. I was a bit angry at myself, because I didn't know where she is and when she'll come. Our plan was for me to call her upon my arrival, but I overused my battery (facepalm). Well, I couldn't do anything, I had to wait and hope she'll appear from somewhere. Some 15min later I became worried. I stood near the info point and decided to share my situation with the lady who works there. She helped me by announcing her name in Chinese and asking her to come to the info point. I waited again. Nothing. So I took out my SIM card and asked the lady, if she could put it in her phone and allow me to SMS or call her. She was kind enough to help me. She even called her herself and told her that a foreigner is waiting for her at the airport. I was finally told that she's on the train to the airport and that she'll be here in 15min. I was so relieved. I thanked the lady, took my bags to the entrance she's supposed to appear and waited.

She came on time and suddenly appeared behind my back. I turned in the last moment and spotted her. She was smiling and repeatedly said sorry for coming late. I asked, what happened and she replied: I overslept! Haha.. I thought you are so cute. I hugged her and took her hand. She decided that it's best to take the bus to the man train station, where we would find a café and have few drinks. We had to wait for the apartment to be cleaned up. We had few hours to wait. The café was cozy, we sat on a couch, sipped a coffee, talked, held our hands. She was shy at first, smiled a lot. I was the first one who gave her an unexpected small kiss on the cheek, but she only smiled. She returned the kiss a long while later, when I didn't expect and at that point we felt really close already.

What can I say? She looks beautiful in real, she's a mix of sexy and cute with a body that's nearly perfect! She wore black boots with stockings and a short skirt, a nice white sweater, with her hair falling on her back. She smiled a lot, was very charming. When I walked hand in hand with her, I suddenly forgot everything around me. I just felt: Wow. Is this real? This is real. That hot woman on your right is your girlfriend now. It was just amazing. I was tired and cold, the rain was annoying, but I only had eyes for her.

When we finally reached home, we had some time to relax and enjoy some sweet time together. And then I decided to see some of Taiwan. We went to Ximending, a popular place for young Taiwanese to hang out in bars and clubs. Unfortunately, it was very rainy, we could only take few photos and try some food and then quickly return back home. But it was fun, because it was our first date. I have to tell you, when you walk around with her, it's always fun. She has a professional camera and always snaps many photos. Unfortunately I was so tired that evening, my face looked puffed-up, my hair was messy. I'm actually glad that we didn't take more photos. It's still raining in Taipei for the third day. I think there will be many sunny days to make some awesome pics and I can't wait to go around the city and take pictures with her.

The first day was long, exciting, with some surprises, but with a happy end. We had a wonderful day and a wonderful night. The fairy tale has just begun. Let's hope it continues the same way.

[Related: Bye Bye Maribor][Photo by MKL, 2010]

Bye bye Maribor, Slovenia, Europe...

This will be my last post before Taiwan. Now I really need time to prepare everything for my upcoming trip and to say bye to my family and friends. I will be less online in the next days and in case you don't hear from me, please assume that I'm fine. Either I'm in the air or already walking around Taipei with my girl. Most of you will be able to track everything on Twitter and Facebook. Anyway, for my last post, I decided to do something special. I asked my girl to write about how she imagines our first meeting and what she expects and fears the most and I will write about the same topic below her part. Most of you know, that we've found each other online and chatted for many months, but we've never met in real. And after I'm safe and sound in Taiwan, we will write another post and tell you what really happened :-) I assume you won't get something like that to read any time soon, so I hope you enjoy these two posts.

EXPECTATIONS, by her:

I was asked to write about what are my expectations for the first meeting at the airport? Well, that's a good question. I don't have a lot of experience of welcoming friends at our main airport, and I only went there twice. So when I thought about it, this came to my mind:

- How to take buses there?

- Where will be the meeting point?

- What should I wear?

- Should I give him a hug first and then kisses on his cheeks like Westerners always do in the movies?

Hard questions.

I have to say, I didn't have any Western friends before I got to know him. When it came to foreign friends, I only had some from Japan and China, but I didn't need to pick up any of them at the airport. Most of the times, when I met them, was in a group along with several other friends and someone else would welcome them at the airport and bring them to a restaurant, where held a welcome party for them. But this time I have to do it all by myself. And since I'm so unexperienced, my expectations are very basic:

- I hope I don't get lost at the airport and that everything goes smoothly.

- I would like to wear long boots, a short skirt, with perfect make up and hair. I'll try my best to look hot. But I wonder, if the high heels would make me walk like a duck and I also hope that my new boots won't give me blisters.

- I'm still thinking about how to welcome him: I should give him a hug first, right? Then kisses? Friendly kisses on the cheeks or a short one on the lips? If the kiss is on the lips, ehm, that would be our first kiss (shy). OK, whatever will be, I hope I can do it well.

- My bags. I'm just not able to bring only few things anywhere I go. Even on a 2 days short trip I would bring big travel bags! Imagine me waiting for him and wearing high boots, a short skirt and with 2 bags? And he said he would only bring a backpack! I wonder who will welcome who at the airport? That would look like he's picking me up! So I hope I manage to bring fewer things with me this time.

In just few days I will meet him in real! Some of my friends ask me: "You must feel excited! Are you nervous?" I reply: "Yes! Of course." But I don't feel nervous because of him, I'm nervous, because it's my first such experience.

I'm already nervous now.

EXPECTATIONS, by me:

I must say, unlike her, I've done something like that before. Most of you know, that my ex was from Malaysia and so I was in this kind of situation few years ago. The only difference is, that I am a bit older and more experienced in travelling and meeting people, especially around some parts in Asia. It's true, I've never been to Taiwan, so the first fear that comes to my mind is the unfamiliar airport. But from the information I have, it's very modern and visitor friendly and I guess, it can't be that different from Singapore and Hong Kong. All I need to do is pass the immigration, find my luggage and spot her among all the people who wait for their sweethearts at the arrival hall. I told her, she better spot me, because while there will most likely be only few young blonde men, I'm expecting a lot young Taiwanese girls waiting for someone. And I guess I will be the one, who swings his head like a mad rooster all over the place, hehe. Maybe I should just keep my calm, walk slowly and let her find me? I shall see. Maybe I will pass by her and she'll jump on me from behind? Or maybe cover my eyes with her hands and ask: "Guess who?!" Haha.. No idea. I guess I need to pay close attention and start spotting cute girls right on [a skill I've mastered to near perfection by now, hehe]. Anyway, I think we will be fine. I will hug her when I see her, but I'm not planning beyond that, what happens happens. The more plans you have, the more likely they fail [oh, yeah, I've been there...]. I don't really worry about our first meeting, we're so close already, we'll be fine. My real worries are that I won't miss a train or the plane, that everything goes smoothly at the two immigrations and that my luggage won't be lost. I hope there's no delays, no bad food [ok, how could that be, EVA Air is Taiwanese!]. Anyway, my flight will be nearly 15h long and I really wonder, how I will be able to take that. I flew the longest from Paris to Singapore, it took me 13h and it seemed endless! And now even longer? Wow. I just hope I will be able to sleep a little, best would be 8h, but if I manage to sleep for 6, I will be happy already. It's funny, I can sleep like 10h straight in my own cozy bed, but I always have a hard time sleeping on airplanes. Of course coach is not same as my bed, but well. I still see most people dozing off easily and I'm one of the few who keeps turning their head around wondering how can everyone sleep but me. Ah, whatever.

To be honest, I have real fears, but those go beyond the flight and first meeting. Will I be able to get a job? Will I find one fast? Will I be able to perform well? It's a totally new life I'm about to start and so many things are unknown. If I was the old me, I might freak out, but the new me tries to be optimistic. I say to myself: "At least I'm trying. My worst case scenario is coming back from Asia in 2 or 3 months, because I haven't gained ground there. But even in that case I will have one of the most awesome times of my life." So there's will be no regrets. We'll see what happens. I hope I can be as bold as the tiger :-)

Au revoir!

[Related: Hello Taiwan!][Photo by MKL, 2010]

Thoughts of the moment

Thought one: Why do so many new followers of my blog think I was female? Maybe because I follow mostly women and get along well with women, adore women, post many pics of women, write about women, chat on MSN with many women... Maybe :P

Thought two: Why do some people write whole essays with links and quotes, when they comment, just to state their opinion prove they're right? I think it's no point to that, unless we're talking about facts, not opinions. But some people are obsessed and don't stop, even ridicule you, just to feel superior. Oh dear, do you know how I can laugh about people like you? :P

Thought three: Is it possible, that a friend, to whom I've slowly distanced myself this year would make up a fake break up just to lure me to call him and meet him? I was a long and loyal friend until half a year ago, where he behaved like he's my father and lectured me. From that time on I ignored him. And now few days ago, his girlfriend texted me and begged me to call him, cuz they supposedly broke up and he's devastated and in need of a friend. I asked her to write an email and tell me what exactly happened. Few days later: Nothing. [Weird.] Something smells fishy. :(

Thought four: How come anticipating a birthday is such a thrill, but after you say happy birthday at the actual day, the whole thrill is gone? So many people close to me had birthdays and it was really a very interesting time. But now that it's passed, I feel so empty. I guess it's same when people, who celebrate Christmas (I'm not), anticipate that day. But a day after boredom sinks in and the chocolate Santa doesn't taste as good as a day before. Weird. -_-

Thought five: Is it possible to adore someone and be totally crazy about them, yet still have reasonable expectations? Well, I think it's possible, but it's a fine line to walk. In the past, I would adore someone for the wrong reasons. Now, around age 30, I feel I know what I really want: I realized that I really need someone who's character suits me well, who shares similar views, dreams and expectations for the future and who's mellow, easygoing and flexible like me. I had complicated, I had inflexible, I had partners with too different views, dreams and expectations... They were all incredible women, but we were just too different. Now it seems I found someone who suits me well and the question I asked 6 month ago here may be finally answered. And yes, I adore her for who she is, not what I think she might be. :)

Please choose one or more topics and leave a comment. As always I really appreciate your opinions and I'm very happy to see you always return to my little online getaway. Thank you!

Love: Teenage dreams vs. adult expectations

A great thing about being an adult is that you become more stable when it comes to love and expectations. I'm now in my late twenties and these are the things that definitely changed since I was a teenager:

1 I won't be in love with someone and not tell them: I remember being a teen and having this 2 years long crush on a class mate. When I finally had the courage to profess my feelings to her, she rejected me. That was painful and threw me even further back. I had some other crushes after that, but I was too much of a chicken to let another girl know how I feel. That changed soon as I became a twen and met my first love. Now, being almost 30, I take the risk quickly. If I like someone, I hint first and if she's responsive, I tell her that I like her. If she also likes me - great. If not - also fine. No big tragedy. In my teen years: A big tragedy!

2 I'm more confident about myself and the way I look: I remember that as a teen I always felt ugly. Well, who hasn't felt that way as a teen, right? It's like the no 1 issue when you're a teen. Seems like as teens we were constantly insecure: One pimple appeared and the whole day was spoilt. One person was spreading a rumour or bitching about you behind your back and you wanted to kill yourself. Yep! Teen years were tough. I can proudly say that I am a happy vet: My wars with my insecurities are over. I do deem myself as somewhere in the middle, though. I'd not say I look like a male model from a Paris fashion show [*I may qualify for the Pasir Ris fashion show, though, hehe], but I wouldn't say I was ugly either. I feel I'm somewhere in between, but I learned to play my charms. I realized that the older you get, the looks become less and less important. Now I feel, if looks are your only asset and you have nothing else, it's just not enough [when I was a teen, it was!]. Now I think a person's character is what makes a person, really. I soooo admire beautiful women (as you may have noticed from my blog), but I always see more than what meets the mere eye. I always imagine that they are kind and polite, lovely, passionate, pure, funny and much more, depends on the photography, the setting and the mood. I like to project my own emotions in them, but I know that I may be wrong. But when it comes to art, there's no right or wrong.... right?

3 I have reasonable expectations for a long term relationship: I admitted many times - I'm a hopeless romantic. Nevertheless, I'm reasonable. I know that, if you want to be with someone long long time, the romantic feelings are not enough. I do enjoy the initial phase of being in love, but that only lasts few months, if you're lucky, maybe a year. But for 5, 10, 20 years or longer, you need to have something more than just a sexual attraction and irrational projections. I try to love the person for who they are, focusing on the character more than the looks. Of course, I can give tons of compliments to the girl I like by telling her she's cute, sexy, gorgeous. Because, frankly, that's how I see her [and the best is, if she has both]. But to seriously consider a woman as my lifetime partner, I focus more on her character. I would want to know stuff like: Are you adaptable and flexible? Are you kind? Are you deep and considerate? What are your interests, passions? Do you cherish family? What are your goals in life? Are you loving and loyal and do you keep your promises? Are you humble and appreciative? If her answers match my expectations, then I will definitely be willing to do a lot to be with her. I'm not expecting a perfect woman, far from that. But after my 3 previous serious relationships didn't work out, I'm just more careful and I guess I've matured. At least I hope so.

How about you? What are your expectations?
How did you change since your teen years?

[Links: Also check Shingo's post on the same topic][Photo modified by me: Source]

Is it fate when two fall in love?

It's probably one of those questions that can't really be answered, but I'll ask it anyway: Is it fate when two people fall in love?

It happens so many times that two people meet, talk, get to know each other. They develop feelings, fall in love and eventually come together, even marry. A classic love story. And then you look back with your partner and you think: It must have been fate how we met and fell in love. This assumption may be right or wrong.

Here's how I see it. Either you see fate in every little thing that happens to you or you see fate only in big things in life. Or you see everything as a mere coincidence. Anything's possible, depends on your perception of reality. But let's focus on fate.

Let's say you see fate in every little thing that happens in your life. Then you're the kind of person that sees signs and deep meanings in things that may be just ordinary to others. I think such understanding of reality can be defendable, if you don't go into extremes and read to much into insignificant things. But then again, what is insignificant? It's a fairly subjective matter and it's debatable as well.

On the other hand, there's people who see fate in big things in life. Those would be occasions where someone's life was instantly changed - like an unexpected death, accidents, sickness, winning the lottery... and most likely in this group as well: Finding the love of your life.

And then we have to clarify: What is the love of one's life? We all have different criteria for that. Some people live for the moment, change partners like it's the most natural thing. They can have multiple relationships, marriages, affairs, flings and still feel good about themselves. That's totally legitimate - to each his own.

I (on the other hand) am just not that kind of man. I always get attached to the woman I love, that's why I'm looking for something long and lasting. I know this romatic concept seems to be outdated these days, but as I said many times: I am a hopeless romantic. I still hope, wish, anticipate that one woman who would be with me for a long long time or as we usually say in a poetic way: Forever!

But you can never know. Life has so many unexpected twists and turns. Who knows, if I will have these romantic expectations in 10, 20 or 30 years. But I need to live thru to that age, I need to find what I am looking for now, at this point of my life. You can't jump over to the next step. You will likely trip and fall.

But if one day when I'm old and if I happen to be married for a long long time, I will put my scepticism aside and I'll say to my wife: You know, when we fell in love and married so many decades ago, it must have been fate that brought us together. Now I know it. Because you are the love of my life, you made me happy like nobody else, you completed me and you lasted with me almost all my life. That's where I do believe in the concept of fate.

How about you?

[Photo: Source]

Love is...

My previous post made me a little sentimental. It made me think about love, about the various situations I felt love and I shared love... read through and share with me some of your memorable moments.

Love is giving and recieving. Love is watching him sleep. Love is making him coffee. Love is playing games on the PSP and competing with him. Love is the satisfaction you feel when you see how he came. Love is when you share a cup of noodles. Love is when you watch a movie on a laptop together. Love is the 68 he gives you. Love is the hug you give him before he goes to work. Love is when you hold him from behind when he puts on his shirt. Love is holding hands. Love is a smile he gives you when he returns home. Love is kissing his cheek when he's watching TV. Love is caressing his hair. Love is telling him he's handsome. Love is when he buys tortillias chips for you. Love is whispering "I love you baby" in his ear. Love is sleeping side by side. Love is being loved. Love is the only reason to live.

Love is giving and recieving. Love is watching her sleep. Love is making her coffee. Love is playing games on the PSP and competing with her. Love is the satisfaction you feel when you see how she came. Love is when you share a cup of noodles. Love is when you watch a movie on a laptop together. Love is the 68 she gives you. Love is the hug you give her before she goes to work. Love is when you hold her from behind when she puts on her make-up. Love is holding hands. Love is a smile she gives you when she returns home. Love is kissing her cheek when she's watching TV. Love is caressing her hair. Love is telling her she's cute. Love is when she buys cupcakes for you. Love is whispering "I love you baby" in her ear. Love is sleeping side by side. Love is being loved. Love is the only reason to live.

What is love for you?

Lack of (s)ex makes me emo!

I'm so emo lately. I don't know why. I don't even have ideas to blog about. I mean to write my own original stuff. Things piss me off. People piss me off. Some people.

I was thinking about my ex a lot. She messages me sometimes, but everytime she does, it makes me even more unhappy. It's just a simple "hi, how are you" message. I struggle to reply and usually it's something very shallow. I just do it because I don't want to get another message that will ask me why I stopped replying. I've been with this girl over 2 years. We've had a long distance relationship, but we had plans, dreams, expectations. But it just didn't work. I'm almost 3 months single now and I feel like crap. If she'd ask me back, I couldn't. If someone new hit on me, I couldn't. I don't even know, if some hottie offered me a one-night-stand, if I'd want to do it. I just don't know why am I in this state with no energy. I've been in relationships for almost 7 years in a row. It wore me out. I'll be 30 next year and I feel like love and relationship will become rational matters for me. I don't believe in romantic love for a while already. Romantic means unreal for me. It means you want to see the person the way he/she is not. Until you realize that... and get disappointed. That's why I wonder how will my next relationship be, if I take a rational approach. Is it even possible? Or will I be in a different state and back to my roots of being a highly emotional guy, that spreads honey around the girl's mouth and makes her melt? Someone who puts his whole heart into something? I don't know and I guess you will be the first one to know here. I'm just so emo. Someone give me a jab or something. Or just kick my ass. My sister has a new boyfriend 2 months after she broke up with the ex. So what am I waiting for? I donno leh...

About hypnotized killers and lovers

I was recently watching a show where they proved, that you can hypnotize a person to have full control over him and actually use him even for killing someone. There was a case was used for robbing a bank and killed two people along the way. But when they found out that he was hypnotized and therefore had no control over his actions, they started to look for the person behind all this. They found him, charged him with murder and sentenced him to prison. An interesting twist.

That made me think. I would never use someone to commit a crime, but I was thinking about something else: Would it be possible to hypnotize your dream woman to fall in love with you? I think it would be. But then again, how long would such a hypnosis stay? And something else would bother me: Wouldn't it be so fake when someone loved you, because you programmed him or her to do so? It would be a thrill for a short while, but some time later, at least for me, the magic would be gone. It just wouldn't be real, because the person would lose its original personality and it wouldn't be the dream girl or guy you used to phantasize about.

There's another thought I had: Isn't it same, when someone has a strong crush or an obsession? The admired person could also manipulate the obsessed one. Then again, I don't understand the joy of manipulating people. For me obsessive behavior is deemed extreme and unhealthy and it's a huge turn-off. I think it would be wiser to bring the obsessed person back to reality.

For me there's nothing more rewarding than real love that comes naturally. Every relationship has an initial period where you project all your desires and unreal expectations on your partner. But soon there comes a time, when you actually start getting to know the real person behind the image you created, you see all his or her flaws and downsides. In my experience that comes after a year. That's the time when your own hypnosis starts fading.

Damn, it happened to me 3 times, I need to learn from this. The next woman I fall in love with, I need to sober down in the initial phase and try to check the facts: Do we really have common interests, values and expectations? Not like what I usually do: Oh, you're not into politics? Oh, no problem. You don't like to talk about history, culture, world events? You have no opinion on any of these things? No problem. Well, it becomes a problem after a while when we have nothing to say to each other and the sex can't compensate for everything else that doesn't match. I want my girlfriend to be my best friend, my confidant and my lover. Is that too much to ask for? Some say they found their soulmate. Well, I don't know… I don't know wheather you're out there, but I won't push it to find you, I wish you'd find me. But maybe I'm hypnotized and don't want to face the reality. Maybe there's no perfect match out there for me.

[Photo: Screencap of Ayumi Hamasaki video]

Are Asian women really attracted to Western men?

[Photo: Source]

Yesterday I had a debate with a fellow blogger Jerine about Western men and Asian women. It all started when I said that while I was in Malaysia and Singapore, I got a lot of comments from girls who said I was handsome. These were mostly friends of my ex-girlfriend. And when I received these compliments, I always felt they were sincere. I'm not saying I heard these compliments every day or so, it was just few. But still more than you hear them here in the West from our Western girls. Of course I was also complementing some women there and when I said it, I meant it. But yesterday Jerine told me (who is Chinese Malaysian) that the girls there just say it, but don't actually mean it. Is it maybe something like when someone in USA asks you Hey, how are you doin? and he actually does not want to know how you are really doing, it's just a figure of speech. If in Europe we ask How are you? we're really interested how someone is and if we say to someone You are beautiful! we really mean it. I'm not really used to those meaningless compliments and I'm sure Jerine has a point. She's living there, I'm sure she observed girls giving compliments to Western guys and didn't really mean it. I'm sure it happens vice-versa as well. But a while ago, I had a similar discussions with a Caucasian friend (who is living in Singapore) and he also noticed that he got more compliments from girls in Asia than from his fellow American girls in his homecountry. I mean, how come there are so many couples interracial relationships between Western men and Asian women? You can see some Asian guys with Western girls, but it's much rarer. When it comes to my personal opinion, why I deem some Southeast Asian women attractive, I'd say it's purely superficial. Why do some prefer blondes over brunettes? It's really hard to understand why someone prefers a certain type of partners. Actually, why would that matter anyway? If you love someone truly, there's nothing wrong with any preference. But of course, people judgmental and opinionated, especially when it comes to interracial relationships. People easily stick a fetish tag on you, even, if they don't know you, your background and your opinions. In reality interracial relationships are not what most people imagine. I know that, because I had 2 relationships with 2 Asian girls. Once the initial phase (of being in love) fades away, you face the same challenges like any other relationships. Sure, some things are different, like the cultural things, the mindset, how you're perceived by the environment. But if you're adaptable (like me), than this should be no problem. If you want to date an Asian woman, don't have unreal expectations, because all the stereotypes are not true. Each woman is unique, her own character. Your relationship will be like any relationship, with ups and downs and issues to deal with. Well, besides the sexual attraction, many Western men think Asian women are more loyal than the ones in the West. That may be true in some cases, but nowadays there's no assurance that this will be the case. Maybe some 50-60 years ago there was some truth in that, but these days many young Asian girls just break with their traditions and are very independent. Even cheating on guys is not uncommon. I've heard about a lot of cases when I was in Malaysia. But Asia is very diverse, so I can only speak for where I used to live, Malaysia and Singapore.
Well, I do wonder why Western men attract Asian women? Even Jerine said, that there was so many Western guys dating Asian women in her circle of friends. And if you go to Singapore or Kuala Lumpur, you will see many interracial couples of this sort. Maybe it's the stereotype of the stronger masculinity (often portrayed in the media), that attracts them? Is it the so many White sport, music, movie stars who portray a positive image of White men? Is it the stereotype that we are all rich? Well, I don't know, that's open to discussion. All I know is, that the compliments I received were felt as sincere, but maybe that's just because of me. And of course all this is just my rambling, that may not make much sense to some of you. But anyway, what's your take on the whole issue?

Relationships, soulmates, dreamgirls

I'm not dwelling on the past. It would be too many unanswered questions. I know I'd get very emotional and everything... That doesn't help me at all. The girl's made up her mind. Time will heal all the wounds. And I will be better as the days go by. Actually I'm fine. On the outside. But now I try my best not to peek inside. I have to stay on the surface, I have to stay on track.
I know I won't have a girlfriend very soon. I need put away my emotions I invested in the recently ended love story. I'm someone who never goes into a relationship just for fun. I take every woman seriously. If I see that someone's no girlfriend material, I don't start anything. I realized I'm looking for a soulmate. Someone who I know will always love me and I will love her always, too. And most importantly, we will be best friends. I don't understand people who are in relationships and their partner is not their best friend. My girl has to be my number one and I have to be her number one. If I'm sick, jobless, depressed, angry, sad - I want my girlfriend to always support me, stand by my side, be patient with me. Because I would always do same and be the same person to her. Is it too pathetic when I say that I'm a person who would die just to save my soulmate's life. Wouldn't you do that if you were facing that choice?
Yea, I met some fine women in my life, had 3 long relationships. My teen years weren't that serious and I forgot most of the girls from back then. And I loved every girl I was with to the fullest and tried my best to make them happy. I was 2 times the 'breakee' and 1 time the 'breaker'. The hardest thing for me was to break up myself. To break someone's heart is really devastating. She doesn't talk to me anymore. This makes me sad. But now I can't do anything about that. I wish her all the best and will always keep her in my heart.
So far, I haven't found my soulmate. No girl was a perfect match for me. And if I was a different kind of man, I'd probably break up much sooner. But the way I am: I can't. It's like I fall in love and obviously I only see the girl's best side, I project my desires onto her and create an image of her that she's not. That becomes obvious after a while when we both show some other not so pleasant traits of our characters. And then the quarrels start. I want this, she wants that. I think it's this way, she thinks it's that way. Of course you can't always agree on everything, but sometimes it just too different. There have to be some common interests. It shouldn't be, that you have to ask your partner to be into something, to show interest and excitement for something. It should happen naturally, spontaneously. So far, I haven't had a girl who'd really meet my expectations in this regard. Of course, first, you do anything for your loved one, but after a while, you become yourself again and you realize that you expect more. You should be yourself from the beginning and that's how you'll prevent future surprises.
So, is it possible to find a soulmate? I see many people and hear from them how happy they are. But how come so many people break up or divorce nowadays? Is it really so hard, that you have to throw the towel so fast these days? A while ago I heard this saying: It is easy to make a different woman happy every day, but it's very hard to make the same woman happy every day. There's a lot of truth in it. And the problem is, you have no guarantees in life. A relationship can go well for a year, for 5, 10, 20 and then people break up... You can never be sure. You always have to invest in it, you have to keep renovating it (like a house) and keep it intact, fresh and interesting. I don't mind the routine. I think the sometimes dull every day stuff has its charm. I'd immedately trade excitement for stability and security.
So now I'm looking forward. I have to learn from my mistakes, have to make it better next time. I will be more careful, I hope. Maybe I'll check more thoroughly, but that's for my own good. I can't be careless any more. I don't wanna waste my emotions and time. And I still won't give up on finding a soulmate/dreamgirl. There must be someone out there. My perfect match. Where are you?

Starting over, again

History repeats itself. Yep. I broke up again. This time me and my girlfriend, now already my ex-girlfriend, both agreed on it. It's funny... When we broke up last year, that was the initiating moment to start this blog (here's my first post). But this time is different. This time is serious. A year ago was a big shock, because I didn't expect something like that. It came out of nowhere. Now I sensed something like that's coming up and partly I was also thinking to break up myself. But I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't sure enough. Well, now it's done. I need to accept it. And I need to get over it. It was never the same since last years break up. We were single over 3 months before we came back together. I took her back because I loved her, even after she hurt me. I tried my best to make it work, but I saw it got harder and harder. Sometimes I wasn't like I used to be and she felt that. I was sometimes very moody and unsecure. It was hard for both to continue like that. We knew that. And while being in Malaysia, it was still mostly ok, we had a great time. And I'm sure we both won't forget that. Her family loved me and I loved them. All the nephews and nieces called me uncle Nino, hugged me. It was a touching moment when her 2 years old niece said 'Uncle Nino, I love you.' I will always cherish these moments. I am still lucky to experience so many unforgettable moments with her. Thank you, 慧凊。