Cute is Safe.

The female species (yes, species) are even more complicated and complex than I have previously conceived.

I had a conversation today with a girl friend of mine who absolutely reamed me for a single word, a simple adjective if you will, that I had used to describe Bree in a previous post.

My friend might as well have taken a shiv to my kidney in a prison yard. Because of that one word.

Apparently the word "cute" is the absolute worst insult you could ever give a girl.

Ladies, to prevent future instances such as this, can we please get a fucking Venn diagram or a damn flow chart of some sort as soon we (males) escape the womb? We really need to start reading this shit from day one, as soon as that slime is wiped from our eyes newly developed eyes; we should be studying for exams like this.

First off, I am going to bring my proposal to a higher court: my fair and shrewd jury of readers. Should we not be calling girls "cute"?

Webster's definition of the word "cute":

Main Entry:

¹cute

Pronunciation:

\ˈkyüt\

Function:

adjective

1 a: clever or shrewd often in an underhanded manner b: impertinent , smart-alecky

2: attractive or pretty especially in a childish, youthful, or delicate way

I'm going to cash in all my poker chips and say that most of are using definition 2 to describe these girls who are pleasing to they eye.

And strictly based on my pal Webby, it looks like a compliment to me. At least that's what I spent the last 25 years believing (along with the idea that someday I'd hit a growth spurt).

But according to my friend, I might as well have drawn a Hitler mustache on my upper lip and drop kicked a fluffy hedgehog like a hacky sack.

Apparently I'm also not allowed to also use the word, "attractive" either.

So I can't call a girl "cute"??

I feel like "cute" is a safe word. It's not as dull as "attractive", but not as creepy as "gorgeous" or "beautiful". I'm going to even say that the word "pretty" is border line uncomfortable.

I mean, sure, I can THINK a girl is "gorgeous", "sexy", "beautiful", "stunning", "take-my-shoe-off-and-beat-myself-on-the-head-and-howl-like-a-wolf-good-looking" to a girl I'm admiring from a distance and have never met.

But I shouldn't SAY any of those descriptors to the girl I don't really know, right? That's just fucking weird.

Please discuss. Or open MS Paint during your lunch break and bust me out some kind of chart that expkains acceptable and not acceptable compliments to give a girl.

You'll be doing my gender and me a huge favor.