I can be honest with myself and know that I am not the jealous type. In fact, when I was dating Lynn, she used to complain that I wasn't.
One example that comes to mind is the fraternity dances that I'd take her to. Guys would hit on her mercilessly and she'd awkwardly converse with them, but shoot me looks over their shoulder begging, "Help me!" And I'd laugh. She'd politely find a way to end the conversation and come over to me, laugh, and playfully punch me in the arm, berating me for putting her in that position. I always thought it was hilarious and never got jealous of this. It was one of my favorite little games to play with her.
Lynn and I never got into arguments regarding issues of me being jealous. I was secure knowing that I was the only one in her eyes and at the end of the night, she was going back with me under my arm.
So when that green eyed monster comes rearing his ugly head, it weirds me out and I hate it. It's not like me and I can't think of being in a worse situation. I'm not used to having this "unsure" feeling; it's something entirely new to me. I guess that's inevitable when you're shoved into singledom for the first time in a long time.
* * *
I signed up for a program with Southwest Airlines to send me notices if there are any cheap deals to Portland from Los Angeles. Yesterday, I got an email and was conversing with Beth while looking up flight information. But something during our conversation made me click that little red box in the upper right corner of the screen before confirming my flight.
So@24: Well, it's Friday. What are you up to tonight?
Beth: Nothing. Oh wait, I'm going to shave Eddie's beard.
So@24: Cute.
Beth: Cute like a pony or something? I don't know what you think it "cute" these days.
So@24: I didn't realize he was still in the picture. What's your guys' deal now? The last time you ever mentioned Eddie was when you guys had that talk.
Beth: Yeah, so?
So@24: Well. What happened? He said he wanted you two to be more than friends, you said "no" and then what? Everything remained normal?
Beth: This is the first night that we're actually going to be "hanging out" since then. His buddies are going to be there too.
So@24: And you're going to shave his beard?
Beth: Yup. It's not a big deal. At least I hope not.
So@24: Lynn used to shave my face all the time. It was one of her favorite things to do actually. She'd get pissed if she was around and caught me shaving. She'd run into the bathroom and be like, "What are you doing!? No! You know I like to do it!" I always thought she was a weirdo for wanting to shave my face, but there you have it.
Beth: Really?
So@24: Yup.
Beth: She'd shave you?
So@24: For some reason, she liked to.
Beth: Well, it's more of a joke.
So@24: I see.
Beth: I will not actually be touching a razor unless it is to shave myself. Especially now that I will be thinking about you and Lynn making it a romantic, enchanted moment.
So@24: Shaving someone seems like a girlfriend/boyfriend thing... at least to me. Maybe since that's what I used to do with my girlfriend. Maybe I need a second opinion on the matter.
Of course, we switch subjects, go onto talk about something else. She needs to take off for work and ends with:
Beth: Next time I talk to you, have me sing you the "Sleepy Time" song my dad used to sing to me and my brother.
Beth: Our kids are going to HATE it.
When she first mentioned shaving this guy Eddie (with whom they obviously have a history), my face instantly turned hot and the best way I can describe how I felt wasn't necessarily "jealousy", but more embarrassment. This is not me. I don't feel this way. I never act this way.
Maybe I'm over reacting, but if I was secure in knowing what the fuck was going on in that head of her's, I'm sure I'd be as cool as a cucumber.
I suppose that's what I need to get used to being single. It almost seems inevitable. Or maybe it's because I'm becoming involved with a carrot dangler.
----------------
Now playing: Bad Religion - Sorrow
So@24: Well, it's Friday. What are you up to tonight?
Beth: Nothing. Oh wait, I'm going to shave Eddie's beard.
So@24: Cute.
Beth: Cute like a pony or something? I don't know what you think it "cute" these days.
So@24: I didn't realize he was still in the picture. What's your guys' deal now? The last time you ever mentioned Eddie was when you guys had that talk.
Beth: Yeah, so?
So@24: Well. What happened? He said he wanted you two to be more than friends, you said "no" and then what? Everything remained normal?
Beth: This is the first night that we're actually going to be "hanging out" since then. His buddies are going to be there too.
So@24: And you're going to shave his beard?
Beth: Yup. It's not a big deal. At least I hope not.
So@24: Lynn used to shave my face all the time. It was one of her favorite things to do actually. She'd get pissed if she was around and caught me shaving. She'd run into the bathroom and be like, "What are you doing!? No! You know I like to do it!" I always thought she was a weirdo for wanting to shave my face, but there you have it.
Beth: Really?
So@24: Yup.
Beth: She'd shave you?
So@24: For some reason, she liked to.
Beth: Well, it's more of a joke.
So@24: I see.
Beth: I will not actually be touching a razor unless it is to shave myself. Especially now that I will be thinking about you and Lynn making it a romantic, enchanted moment.
So@24: Shaving someone seems like a girlfriend/boyfriend thing... at least to me. Maybe since that's what I used to do with my girlfriend. Maybe I need a second opinion on the matter.
Of course, we switch subjects, go onto talk about something else. She needs to take off for work and ends with:
Beth: Next time I talk to you, have me sing you the "Sleepy Time" song my dad used to sing to me and my brother.
Beth: Our kids are going to HATE it.
When she first mentioned shaving this guy Eddie (with whom they obviously have a history), my face instantly turned hot and the best way I can describe how I felt wasn't necessarily "jealousy", but more embarrassment. This is not me. I don't feel this way. I never act this way.
Maybe I'm over reacting, but if I was secure in knowing what the fuck was going on in that head of her's, I'm sure I'd be as cool as a cucumber.
I suppose that's what I need to get used to being single. It almost seems inevitable. Or maybe it's because I'm becoming involved with a carrot dangler.
----------------
Now playing: Bad Religion - Sorrow
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