Lunch w/ Lynn Pt. 2

** This is a continuation from a previous entry

This entry is sure to ruffle some feathers, I'm sure. However, I wanted to elaborate more on the interactions that took place when Lynn came and hung out after our lunch.

For the most part, Lynn was quiet. Understandable, seeing as this is the first time she has been around my friend since the breakup. But I admired that fact that she is very much aware that she was the one who broke up with me and was the variable that made me an emotional emo wreck for an entire calendar year... and now she was stepping back into the lion's den. She knew there might be some shit-talking going around.

During lunch, she vocalized and admitted she was intimidated by Leo and was aware that she was the butt of jokes. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, she was afraid she'd say something "stupid" around him and she often would.

When we were in the living room talking, there was a feeling that brewed deep in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't felt in a long time. Lynn tried to contribute to the conversations, but there was definitely hostility in the air; like someone had plucked an opposition dandelion and blew. I was very much aware of it... and I didn't like it. I got that weird pit in my stomach that I used to get whenever she was around my friends when we were dating.

This was the first time Lynn had met my friend Veronica. And she didn't hold back on giving me her honest opinion:

Veronica: Do you think you foresee hanging out with Lynn more often?
So@24: We're both very conscious that we need to be careful about it. So have we planned anything? No. But I'm sure next time I'll drive down to see her and hang out with her friends next time Veronica: I'm sure Leo will be more than fine with that. Why would he be gunning to have her around if she's... well, like she was yesterday all the time. Seemingly bored and sour.

It should be noted that she been criticized numerous times for her "not-so-cheery" expression when in actuality, she's just contently listening, which can come off as "bored" or "stern". It never bothered me and I never really took note of it, but almost everyone I know has commented on it to her. She's extremely self conscious about it.

I could feel my face get hot. She had mentioned other things, comments that Leo, Paxton and Michael said... that weren't very positive about my ex.

I know we aren't together anymore, but does that mean I shouldn't care? But I'm aware and can admit that I get defensive for her still, just like I did when we dated. I feel bad that she tries and it was history repeating itself all over again.

She was a very important and influential person to me for six years of my life. I think I'm allowed to have this not sit well with me.