Being Nice Doesn't Necessarily Mean Interest, So Why Does It Feel That Way?

D asked:

Is there a girl in your world who's not on the main stage, but that you've got a thing for that's never been expressed? Like a coffee girl, or someone you see in your neighborhood...someone you don't know at all, but you notice? If so...why haven't you broken the ice?

First off, I don't really frequent places outside of my house and work (God, what's happened to me...). The only woman in my neighborhood is "Crazy Asian Lady". She wears the same moo moo day in and day out and a large floppy pink visor she picked up at the local AM/PM. She wanders up and down the streets at night with her mangy dog, peering into parked cars with her trusty mag light.

She's consistent to coming to our porch the Sunday after a huge party and yells in terribly cliche'd broken english that the noise our parties produce are "ree-deek-er-ous" and asks "what's with all da hur-a-bur-oo??".

I think that means "ridiculous" and "hullabaloo", respectively.

I usually stare at her blankly for a few sounds, tell her I can't hear her and shut the door before my hangover gets the best of me and I cover my porch in a mixture of stomach acid, Miller High Life, and Sun Chips.

I digress. This isn't about Crazy Asian Lady. This is a blog about a theory on being single.

So these little crushes or "potentials" (as I have started to refer them as) don't really last very long if they do, in fact, ever exist. The one thing about females that I completely respect, is that for the most part, they are quick to let you know if they have any interest at all. So my theory usually is:

a. They don't have interest or
b. They have boyfriends.

The most recent story I can think of is that girl "C" who wrote me an email not too long ago.

I'll admit. I cyberstalked (c'mon, who doesn't these days??). And randomly enough, Facebook told me that she went to the same college as me AND happened to be friends with TWO of my friends (one of them happened to be my friend Rick).

So we emailed back and forth a couple more times joking about this random connection, caught each other up on who we are, what we do, etc. Just friendly email, chit chat.

She was cute, she knew my friends (Rick! Put in a good word for me!), we went to the same University. The email strings were War and Peace-esque, which we joked about. This isn't to say I was head-over-heels, giddy with excitement or any close to. But I have to admit that my initial thoughts as a single guy was "Holy shit. This really cute girl is actually paying attention to me. She's interested in what I have to say. She's writing back long emails! So this is how it works!"

Of course, later in our emails exchanges I find she has a long term boyfriend. Which made me reflect on how your mind thinks different when you're single. I don't want to be one of those guys who thinks that every girl who gives him the time of day automatically has interest. It's absolutely absurd, considering that I have TONS of friends who are girls (yes, I believe girls and guys can strictly be friends).

But when I was dating Lynn, if any girl talked to me or was particularly nice I never thought twice about it. They were just friendly, everyone likes meeting new friends. However, I think when you're single, your eyebrows suddenly raise at the potential, positive opportunities that you come across.

1. Cute?
2. Smart?
3. Funny?
4. And she's talking to ME?
   

When all these components add up like the Wonder Twins' rings, "Wonder Twin Powers ACTIVATE!", I automatically assume that "I'm in! I have a chance! She's actually interested!"

Power of SealTheDeal!!

And for the record, I definitely didn't think she was leading me on or ANYthing underhanded. Member of the opposite sex CAN be friendly without it suddenly meaning that they want to jump your bones.

I never had this mindset before when I was in a relationship. But I wonder, why does the mentality of the single guy automatically turn to that?