Back in the Motherland Pt. 2: C Blocked!

If you've never been to a mustache/wig party, I highly recommend it. Anyone that is willing to wear a fake mustache or sport a really fake wig can hang in my posse anytime.

Yesterday my Portland friends decided to throw one of these and it was absolutely hilarious. There's something about people willing to look like complete jackasses for the greater good that really makes the experience so much better.

I sported a gray bushy number with a white captain's hat, a horizontal-striped shirt, and a corncob pipe. I'm going to venture to say that it was one of the best ensembles of the night.

Started off like your typical party. Take a shot of vodka here, sing-a-long to some old-school Blink 182 there (-cough- uhhh... yeahhh...), drunkenly tapping guests on the shoulder and slurring phrases like, "The fog rolled in as thick as pea soup..." or "the sea was angry that day, my friends" leaving them bewildered and confused, etc.

At the end of the night (again, I'm not quite sure how I even got started into this situation), I'm on the couch chatting it up with this really cute girl who lives in my friends' apartment building. A petite brunette (I think she was... could have been a wig though. That possibility just now occurred to me.) with really crystal blue eyes. I'm finding myself in the similar as the night before. Cute girl. She's obviously sticking around conversing with me while I'm dressed as a salty sailor with a fake mustache; I'll take that as a good sign.

However, my brother and his really drunk girlfriend Celene are sitting on the other end of the couch trying to chat my ear off. My brother's girlfriend is a sweetheart, but she's absolutely shit faced at this point and keeps interrupting me while I'm trying to establish a rapport with this other girl.

Cute Brunette: I don't think that girl likes me.
So@24: Oh her? That's my brother's girlfriend. She's a little drunk, ignore her. What were you saying?
Cute Brunette: I was saying that you should come down to the party that I'm throwing right now.
So@24: That's great! Let's pop in for a minute!
Cute Brunette: Okay, let me--
Celene: We have to go! Come on! We have to go! -furiously tugs on my sweater-
So@24: (trying my best to ignore) I'm sorry, what did you say?
Celene: Come on! Come on! -tug, tug tug-
So@24: We'll go in a minute, I'm trying to talk to...
-turn around and Cute Brunette is already out the door-


So@24: Celene! What the hell was that!? You totally drove that girl I was talking to away! It was so obvious!
Celene: I just didn't think Lynn would appreciate that.
So@24: What!? Lynn!? LYNN?? What does Lynn have to do with anything??
Celene: Lynn remember?? Your girlfriend!
So@24: -buries face in hands- Dude. Celene. We haven't been together in a year!
Celene: Oh yeah.

Strike two for the second night in row! But I guess, I can't really blame my brother's girlfriend, she was absolutely blitzed and I probably contributed to it by making her take shots of Admiral Nelson with me. She apologized profusely the next morning when I retold the story, glaring at her while I chomped away at my breakfast toast.

But -drops to knees and throws arms in air- whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?