A Tale of Two Parties

A different sort of mentality begins to take over the single guy, almost instantly when the relationship ends. At least, it did for me.

It happens slowly at first, but that darkness starts to sweep over like the symbiote suit in Spider-Man. I've discussed the matter before, but it's been awhile and I'd like to do so in depth.

This is the issue of Girl/Guy Ratio at parties.

W-w-what's come over me??

One of my LA friends had one last hurrah before he took off for grad school in Chicago. Of course, our usual entourage of friends (made up of all dudes) were present. My friend Michelle lovingly calls us "Penisville".

So I crack a couple beers, make some dick jokes with the same guys who have heard the same dick jokes I told the last time we had a party, and after a bit I look up to see if there is someone new I should be socializing with.

The apartment was packed. Two coolers full of beer and not an end in sight. And 2 girls.

...


I hate being that guy. I really do. I hated those guys when I was in a committed relationship. I used to tell the "cockfest" whiners to shut the hell up and enjoy the time you're having with your boys. Easier said for someone like me who knew who I was going home with at the end of the night.

Now being on the other end, I admit that I was actually getting... kind of... well, pissed about the situation. I was THAT kid and I was embarrassed by it, but if I was honest with myself... it's who I have become. I glared at my friends with laser eyes, cackling over their beers, and thought to myself, "Come on, fellas! We're not complete tools! We're not that sore on the eyes! All of our powers combined, NONE of us can come up with any friends who are female??"

I bring Jenny whenever I can, but I can't be expected to deliver the goods every time!

* * *

Fast forward to last Saturday. My friend Veronica had her friends gather at a bar in Venice. The night as a whole wasn't anything out-of-this-world, spectacular by any means. But it was fun and a lot more enjoyable than the previous "AnotherWordforPenis + AnotherWordforGathering".

And I'm going to make the bold claim, in that it was because there was a handful of girls present.

I'm not saying that hanging out with your best guy friends is anything to bitch about. I'll guzzle a 12 pack of cheap beer and geek out to Bloodsport with my guy friends and have it be an absolute blast.

But just having a different dynamic is refreshing. These girls don't even need to be anyone that I'd be interested in or even try to get on. It's not even about the possibility of anything happening at the end of the night. Girls bring on a different element to a party. Variety is the spice of life.

Case in point.

Getting back from Veronica's party, I got a drunk dial from Lisa.

That's right. 1/2 of team UCLA Hunnies. Fuck. Yes.

She wanted to hang out with us. The planets must have been aligned because Leo was all for the reunion.

There was no chance that either of us were going to pursue anything sexually with our lil' drunkard. We wanted her to hang out purely for entertainment value; the kind of entertainment that can only come from an inebriated female.

Leo and I stifled our laughter as we listened to Lisa go on about how great her ass is and how tiny her feet are. In the middle of her story and her request for top ramen with eggs, she passed out on the kitchen table.

With that, Leo retreated to his room. I lead her to my bed and lent her my favorite soccer shorts (she would have been content being spread eagle in her jean skirt, but I thought she would regret it later). I grabbed my spare blanket and headed for the couch.

Girls. Fucking entertaining.

"This isn't Leo"

Swilling beers last night, I scrolled through my cellphone to look for people I might have missed inviting to the kegger we're hosting on Saturday.

I came across a couple of names, whom I haven't seen for quite sometime.

You remember them, right? See? Of course you do!

I sent them both a text, "Long time no see! You guys interested in a reunion on Saturday??"

A few seconds later, my cellphone was buzzing around on my beer-soaked hardwood floor.

"Very interested! We miss you guys!"

Then, a few minutes later, an unexpected phone call from this girl. I can tell I'm going to have to yell for this conversation, she's in a bar or some party where the booze is flowing.

So@24: Hey! So you're coming on Saturday!
Ann: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yes! I fucking can't wait. ... No no no, put it on my card. Put it on my card.

Jesus. She's smashed. Why am I not surprised? ... Awesome!

So@24: Can't wait to see you guys, it's been too long.
Ann: Is this the cutie??

What the fuck? Cutie? This is unexpected. Ohhhh, I see the mistake here.

So@24: Leo? You must mean Leo! This is So@24!
Ann: I know who this is! The CUTIE! ... don't take my drink, I'm still drinking it.
So@24: This isn't Leo! You're talking about L-E-O!
Ann: I'm talking about the cute boy! I know who I'm talking to. Don't you think I know that I'm talking to a cute boy?
So@24: Right. Hey, I'll give you a call tomorrow to give you the details!

I hang up trying to hide my smile. It's comforting to know some things never changed. That girl was shitfaced on a Thursday.

Leo: Who the fuck was that?
So@24: No one. Don't worry about it.

I Go To a Party. Alone.

My "friends" left me high and dry.

An hour before I was supposed to leave for the party on Saturday, a mini-battle was raging in my head.

"If I go alone, it's going to be extremely awkward. I'm not going to know anyone there."
"But it could have potential to be the greatest night of your life ever."

I decided that I had to do this. I was doing this for me. I was doing this for newly single guys everywhere who always depend on their loyal wingmen. This was a personal mission.

I must say it was a weird sensation, Leo and I to go to two different parties. It happens, rarely. He wished me luck, I told him to fist himself and we went our separate ways.

I was going to Lisa and Ann's joint birthday party, but on the drive down, I wondered if I need to bring something as a gift. I stopped by a liquor store and scanned the aisles for something appropriate. "Maybe a classy wine or... who the fuck am I kidding? It's Ann and Lisa." I grab the nearest fifth of whiskey on sale. It's the holidays and homeboy is on a budget. That'll do.

I parked the car in a quaint suburban neighborhood in the O.C. I'll admit, I was a little nervous so I pounded some sake, texted Jack and Leo "This is Red 5, I'm going in" and headed inside.

Like any gathering in which you don't know a single soul, it WAS a bit awkward. But then, I was sober... nothing a couple keg cups of beer couldn't handle. Ann and Lisa were both surprised (and I'll even go as far to say "delighted") to see me. They asked me where Jack and Leo were and I told a blatant lie.

"They both are at their company parties"
"They work in the same place?"
"Uh... sure."

Ann was well on her way to blacking out and it was only 10:00; she was already grinding on some dude to 50 Cent's "In Da Club". Lisa pulled out a tray of mini spinach quiches ("I baked them myself! I'd be a great wife! Who wants to marry me!?"). I must say, I was impressed and shocked. Until she dumped the entire tray on the table spilling the flaky pastries everywhere. Ahhh, that's more familiar.

After catching up with the girls, it was time to turn things up a notch. I then texted Leo and Jack, "Too close for missiles. Switching to whiskey."

I must say I was pretty proud of myself. I was charming, I was talkative, I was making people laugh, I was meeting new people. Everyone was extremely friendly. At one point, I was talking to two of their friends and we were debating on who was the more intoxicated birthday and in the middle of this discussion Ann literally walked right into a wall. She earned a few more tallies.

As for my quest for the almighty booty: unfruitful. A few reasons why:

• Again, I'm wearing the away team jersey... what can I do really?
  
• And although there were cute girls there and I was talking to them, I didn't get the vibe from any. I didn't really pursue that hard anyway. Meh.
  
• Or maybe I didn't get drunk enough.
• It wasn't quite a "sausage fest", but a lot of their friends are guys. Guys they met randomly (like me) at bars, football games, etc. I think that's Ann and Lisa's M.O.

But I laid the ground work for next time and I reached a social milestone.

Going Solo is Awkward.

The UCLA hunnies drunk dialed me on Friday night asking if I wanted to gather "my boys" and join them for an old fashioned bbq on Sunday. I was pretty pumped about this and I told them I'd do my best to rally the troops.

Unfortunately none of my friends seem to fancy their company. As in, Leo has made is absolutely clear he won't hang out with them again. And he's horrible at faking polite.

So where does that leave me exactly? As much as I've tried to defend them, the rest of my friends cannot be swayed. "Come on!" I exclaim, "It's a new scene, free booze, free food, a chance to meet some new people, whaddya say fellas?" All the responses have been stone cold glares while I sit with a huge smile and my arms stretched out.

Sunday morning, my cell wakes me up and it's Lisa. She wants to know if I want to meet her and Anna for brunch in their neck of the woods. "Bottomless mimosas!" I agree to go. Fuck it, I should be able to hang out with them if I want, right?

As I'm walking out the door, I yell out to Leo "Alright buddy, last chance to catch the fun train!" His back facing me, focused on his monitor, he throws up an arm which I take for "Have fun. Close that door on your way out."

I have my tunes on, my sunroof is down, I'm about to turn onto the 110 and then I crank the wheel at the last minute. I can't do this. I can't show up to this barbecue by myself! I'm a pretty sociable person... once I've gotten to hang out with you a few times. I'm not quite there yet with these girls and the drive is an hour away, not counting Los Angeles traffic.

Would I have been a complete tool to show up at their place, alone, not knowing them extremely well and not having any idea who their friends are? I get the feeling I'd be considered a little too aggressive or desperate, that I have nothing else better to do (which, let's be honest, I don't).

So I u-turned and walked up my steps defeated. Leo laughed and I had to make a call to Lisa explaining, "Yeah, I'd love to go but I can't get a hold of any of my friends to go with me! Raincheck?"

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing absolutely nothing, a completely wasted Sunday. How am I going to be able to hang out with them again with the embargo set by all of my friends?? I absolutely hate that my social life is dictated by that and there's nothing I can do about it. Should I have gone or would that have been completely awkward and toolish?




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Now playing: Jackson Browne - Running On Empty

Blacked Out Blunders with the Bruins: Part 2

"So how was last night?" I asked Leo while popping two multivitamins into my mouth.
"Why does your eye look like it exploded? You look horrible."
"Oh, I must have slept in my contacts."
"Those girls aren't that cool, man. I'm never hanging out with them again. Let me take that back; Lisa was kind of cool, but Ann sucked."

Leo went on to tell me that after I had left, he spent the evening having to remove his hand from Ann's crotch. While in bed she kept placing his hand and he would retract it. This happened multiple times before he decided it was probably best he slept on the ground. Something tells me he wasn't into her. Definitely the actions of a girl who just has just gotten out of a relationship. I guess you have to respect that she doesn't play games.

I chuckled at his highlight recap and threw my vomit-soaked clothes into the washer. We had another party to attend out in Malibu. Leo's boss was throwing a birthday bbq at his private beach house with the promise of food and booze. Just thinking about alcohol was making me gag, but the free food was enticing.

The bbq was fun, but not really ideal for a couple of single guys looking to meet new girls. The party consisted of about 25 gay guys and then... us. I'm not kidding you that at one point a game of volleyball took place and I swear "Playing with the Boys" came on the sound system. Straight out of Top Gun. That literally happened. Jack eventually showed up and had a retelling of my vom-fest adventure, while expressed his amazement that I was able to not get a single drop in the car. What can I say, I'm a considerate puker?

Around 8, I get a call from Lisa. She tells me that she is on her way with Ann to join us at the bbq and this was a bit of a shock to me (as well as Jack and Leo). Leo must have invited them last night. I was pretty excited to have them there, but Jack and Leo didn't share my sentiment.

But after a few drinks, they warmed up to them a bit. Wanting a change of scenery, we grabbed our crew and went to a bar in Santa Monica. Fast forward to closing time...

Ann is laying on a couch, boob popping out of her dress. Jack is fighting off the onslaught that is a drunken Lisa. Leo is giving me death stares from across the bar. The journey to the car is a rough one. Lisa is latched onto Leo, who is continuing to shoot daggers at me from over his shoulder. Ann is taking her time, stumbling in her heels, begging me to get her food. We can't take them back to their car in Malibu, they have to stay out our place for the night.

I could write an entire entry for the drive home. Ann is out like a light and homegirl can saw a log (snore) like no other. Lisa is trying to figure out where we are, where we can get fast food, and where her heels are. Quotes from the car:

"Let's go to Del Taco! I have a hundred dollars! I'll pay for you guys. Can you guys pay for my Del Taco? I only have a hundred dollars."
- Lisa

"Hey, let's stop by a hardware store and pick up a sack of lye, a wheel barrow, and a hacksaw!"
- Leo

Just to see how fucked up she really was, I called her from my cellphone in the front seat. We continue to have a 4 minute conversation, with her having no idea I'm right in front of her. I can't make this up.

We park. I race into the house and make up the pullout bed. Leo is struggling to get Ann out of the car and finally gets her into the house. Ann immediately steps into Leo's room to "pass out"... a clever move, but Leo wasn't having it. He decides to sleep on the couch and give up the fight. The log sawing beings once more. One down, one to go.

Meanwhile, Lisa has mentioned "food" about a 150 times, so I make her a bowl of ramen. While I'm cooking it, she devours some left over spaghetti in the fridge. I give her a glass of water and slide the bowl of steaming soup over to her. Her eyes half open, head nodding off a la' a college lecture in the spring quarter heat, she picks the noodles out with her hands, holds them inches above her mouth and drops them in; spilling them on herself and on the floor. I am sitting back in the chair right across from her, my weary head resting on my knuckles... chuckling to myself while she describes her crush on Jack to me. "Am I pretty? Do you think I'm pretty? He doesn't think I'm pretty. I'm pretty right? Don't you think so?"
"Yes, Lisa. You are very pretty" (in the most monotone voice imaginable)

Suddenly her phone rings.

Lisa: Jack?? Hey, you should come over. Do you know how to get here? Hold on.
-Lisa passes her cell to me-
My inner monologue: Jack is going to come over? No way. Wait. He knows how to get here...
-I grab her phone-
So@24: Hey Jack, what's going on?
"Jack": Hey, how do I get there?
So@24: Wait a second... do I know you?
"Jack": I don't think so, I just met that girl tonight at the bar. So, what's your address?
So@24: Look dude, there's been some mistake. I don't even know you and you're not coming over. Goodnight.

Lisa has already forgotten I was on the phone. She finishes her meal and goes out to the living room to join Leo. I go into my room and pull out a pair of soccer shorts and a t-shirt for Lisa to wear (I've dealt with my fair share of blacked out girls in my time). Through a miracle of some greater being, she is able to slide on the soccer shorts under her dress, but asks Leo to help her get her dress off. She had a sash-like thing around her dress and at some point, must have triple knotted it. Lisa raises her arms like a child getting dressed for the first snow day and Leo undoes the knot. And she slips off her dress and Leo puts on the shirt for her. In front of us. Leo and I exchange looks of disbelief and exhaustion.

She wants another bowl of ramen. She slurps it down and I stay up with her until she finishes.

Everyone goes to bed... finally. I wake up at 9:30 to our guests giggling in Leo's room.

I'm absolutely amazed at how fresh they are. No sign of a hangover and no one booted. I guess every cloud has a silver lining, eh?

Leo declines to join me in the ride BACK to Malibu to get their car (I guess I deserved that). The ride isn't that bad; they sang along to John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads" and Chicago's "You're My Inspiration". I smiled to myself... I have to admit it's refreshing to be with girls who don't mind belting out the classics while in wrinkled wrinkled party dresses and messy hair.

So@24: What are you guys going to do for the rest of the day?
Lisa: So, I think Ann and I are going to go to a bar back home, grab a few beers and watch the football game!
-jaw drops open-

Some things you just have to laugh off.

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Now playing: Blues Traveler - The Hook

Blacked Out Blunders with the Bruins: Part 1

It was a long, long weekend. I'm exhausted and I look/feel like I just got out of some back-alley bar brawl. No rest for the wicked, I suppose.

After work, I drove down to Torrance to meet up with the UCLA girls Ann and Lisa. I pick up a half g of Smirnoff and arrive in the hotel parking lot to wait for Ann (my hand-holding buddy). She's lost and it takes her about an hour for me to get her to the location. No big deal, people get lost all the time.

I help Ann check in and unload all the chips, beer, and ice that she brought. Waiting at the front counter, we start some friendly banter and I find out something interesting: she is just getting out of a six year relationship. That definitely piques my interest; what are the chances, seriously?? She mentions that she is a soccer player and listens to Beatles when she runs. This girl is scoring major points in my book.

Lisa arrives shortly after with 3 other girls and the reunion isn't as awkward as I was anticipating. She's very cute and she straightened her normally wavy blond hair. She gives me a hug, thanks me for coming out and her and Ana waste no time in cracking open the Bud Lights. Fine with me. I am still a little nervous being that I'm the only guy and I just met these girls. To calm my jangled nerves, I grab two complimentary hotel cups and fill one with vodka and one with juice.

They want to hurry though, Oktoberfest is the real reason we're here and we're burning precious time! Ann steps into the bathroom and comes out in an authentic Oktoberfest outfit she purchased in Germany; she's pretty damn cute. It's not like the equivalent to some slutty Halloween costume either. She looked something like this:

Lisa announces it's time to leave and Leo, Chad and Jack call me to let me know they are on their way (they were stuck at a dinner) and will meet us at the festival. The girls down the last of their beers and I finish off my cup of vodka. We cab it to the village and Oktoberfest is well under way.

It's not as cool as I had imagined. No one is really dressed for the occasion (except Ann, of course) and Oktoberfest is basically a bunch of picnic tables set in front of a live band. I'm not impressed, but I don't let it ruin the rest of the night. Leo, Chad and Jack find us easily and we all fill our cups with some German beer and cheers.

I never get a chance to really talk much with Ann since our chat in the lobby and I noticed that she's a bit of a wanderer when drunk. You know the type: the cute girl that likes to make friends with randoms dudes (I guess that makes sense, since that's how WE met). And she's not paying any attention to me, but my roommate Leo. Figures. All the girls go for Leo.

I'm not sure how long we stayed at Oktoberfest, drinking beers and wearing felt hats with feathers, but we make the decision to move the party back to the hotel. This is where things get hazy. I guess I started to take pulls of the Smirnoff straight from the bottle. Lisa and I sit on the bed for about 10 mins and she has a heart to heart with me about her "guy situation". I'm not sure why, but A LOT of girls tend to come to me about their "guy situations". I catch a few glances of Ann, now well beyond sloppy drunk, with her arms wrapped around Leo's. I'm drunk and bitter that her blatant advances are to him and not me. Motherfucker.

Not wanting to stick around for the inevitable hookup I'd have to try and sit through, I tap Jack on the shoulder and slur something along the lines of, "Can you give me a ride back?" I bid farewell goodbye to Leo, Chad and the girls and whisper to my roommate "don't forget to grab the half g!" Jack and his friend Kim toss me in the back seat and I pass out.

* * *

Suddenly, my eyes snap open and my body jerks erect. I'm wide awake now. I look out the window and I see that we're on the 10, but we're not at my exit. My eyes quickly dart over to Jack and Kim chatting in the front seat. It's inevitable. I discreetly unzip my track jacket, pull open the flap and puke something that Jack would later describe as "Nickelodeon orange". I wasn't as smooth as I thought, because Jack and Kim immediately stop talking and look back at me.

"I'm cool, I'm cool. Don't worry, it's all in my jacket. I'm a one time puker. Keep going. I'll be fine."

They decide to pull over anyway and I try to use the gas station air/water hose to clean myself up. I'm put back into the car and eventually make it back home. Jack is amazed that I was able to keep all my stomach contents out of the car and into my shirt/jacket.

I manage to shed my orangey clothes, toss them in the shower and pass out face down in my bed.

I wake up to Leo's voice booming the next morning, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" He must have found my clothes.

Part II to be follow...


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Now playing: Asia - Heat of the Moment

Lone Cowboy

I knew this was going to happen. I fucking knew it.

The plans for this weekend are falling apart like Golden Grahams after sitting in milk for more than 20 seconds.

Leo and Chad have a dinner he has to attend and said that he would meet us down in Torrance. Translation: I'm going to have a late meal, drink too much, and not answer my cell phone for the rest of the evening. Good luck.

David has an employee going away party tonight, but wants to meet up tomorrow. He asked me, "Don't drink too much tonight so that I can have a pint with you tomorrow morning!" I laughed in his face.

Chris wants to wait until tomorrow morning; he has a friend in town that doesn't want to spend the night in a foreign area.

Which leaves just me. Me to tackle this Oktoberfest all by myself like some lone cowboy in a strange land. Should I do it? I just met these girls and I know nothing about them except they enjoy a good shotgun before a football game. They went to UCLA. That's pretty much it.

I fear that if I go alone that I'll be "the guy who had nothing else to do but leech onto us"; especially if they are expecting Leo, Chad and all the other guys. I'd be shooting myself in the foot before I even got a chance.

However, I feel like I have to do this. Something bold and out of my comfort zone. A great story could come out of it, right? Besides, I'd just be sitting at home pacing back and forth until the guys came back from dinner (IF they come back).

*Just got a call from one of the girls* I told her the situation and she told me to come down anyway. Whew. Alright, fuck it.

I'm stopping by the nearest Ralphs. Using the last of my funds to pick up a half g of Smirnoff vodka, some kind of juice, and gas money.

This could be a coin toss, kiddos. Pray it isn't awkward as hell.

Leaving the Nest (with a kick in the ass)

I believe that every circle of friends has one person I call "The Organizer". They are the ones that get everyone together every weekend, the only ones that can convince the I'm-Going-To-Stay-In-Tonights to come out and party, the ones that if they didn't make plans... everyone would be sitting around watching reruns of Quantum Leap. If you sit and think about it, you can pick out that very person.

My roommate Leo has always been that person. And today he's passed the reigns.

Leo: I need some deets on this Oktoberfest thing
So@24: We both do. And why are you asking me?
Leo: You're the pointman.
So@24: Me?!
Leo: Yes.
So@24: You're the one who talked to them after the game and was texting
Leo: Perhaps you need a reminder which one of us is the driving force behind this endeavor.
So@24: You're the charming one!
Leo: I am kicking your motherfucking ass out of the nest. Take point. Get er done.
So@24: I'm going to blow this!
Leo: No you're not! You're way in control!
So@24: -grabs empty lunch sack- -breathes heavily-
Leo: Dude, listen. Play it casual. You'll be fine. You're on point. That's final.
So@24: Alright, what's less douchey? Asking via MySpace, Facebook, or cell phone?
Leo: Facebook first, Cell 2nd, MySpace never.
So@24: It's good to know these things.
Leo: I mean, for this situation. If you had met her at a bar or party, flirted a lot and then exchanged numbers, then cell. And only cell.
Leo: Be funny and witty.
So@24: -grabs bag again-
Leo: and when you get home tonight, check behind the dryer for your confidence. Either that or under the porch. I swear it ran under there last November.





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Now playing: The Beatles - A Day in the Life

For the Love of Lederhosen, Of Course!

Remember the UCLA hunnies?

New shit has come to light. Our friend Chris has done some research and found out exactly where we are meeting them this weekend. The power of the internet led us here.

If you took the time to peruse the link (which I don't blame you if you didn't, I skip them over all the time), you'll see that Oktoberfest is in Torrance, CA. A little ways outside of our usual stomping grounds. Which means we had some obvious concerns about drinking and then having to drive...

"Don't worry about drinking and driving! We have a hotel!"

-blink blink-
-deep breath-

This could either be epic or be an event in which I'd rather shove my genitals in a salad shooter.

I'm searching for some of these in preparation for this weekend:


*cough* The lederhosen. Not the dudes.





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Now playing: Mike & The Mechanics - Silent Running

UW VS. UCLA: A Tailgate Story

Four of my undergraduate years I spent at the beautiful University of Washington, up in Seattle.

In those four years, I never made it to a single football game. Not one. Lord knows I tried to. I woke up at 8:00 am like the rest of my fraternal brothers to wear our purple and gold and guzzle enough shots of Barcardi 151 to kill a small elephant. The tailgate parties were legendary, but I would either get too sick or pass out in a bush when it was time for kick off. I'm a great catch, what can I say?

But not this time. This last weekend was my first Husky football game and I made it through the entire game!

Our usual crew bought the necessities for a great tailgate: packed the bbq, 30 pack of suds, half g of some random vodka, a tattered football.

We got a good spot on the Rosebowl fairway. And to our surprise, 3 cute UCLA girls randomly stumbled upon our site and set up camp a few feet away. We told them to come party with us and they fit in quite nicely with us.

Tacos were consumed. Beers were shotgunned. "Go DAWGS!" was bellowed.

But I digress. This blog isn't about my drunken college football escapades. It's about starting over in the dating world at 24 years old. That part of the story came much later game.

When we got our seats, we got separated from our new UCLA friends. But at halftime, I stumbled (literally) into one of the girls. Cute, little blonde. Funny. My height (hollah!). We exchanged words and at this point she grabs my hand and at our combined height of 10'5", we swerved in and out of the crowd to go back to her seats.

Here's the thing. A girl hasn't held my hand since... well, my ex-girlfriend. And I'm not looking into it like it's a big deal; it was two drunk people trying to find their way back to their seats. But I'd be lying to myself if I didn't at least acknowledge that I had a some kind sensation: A cute girl was holding MY hand.

I thought to myself, even in my inebriated state, "Oh shit. Is she holding hands with me? Or did I just boldly grab her hand? Am I creeping her out? Maybe I'll let go of her hand and see if she re-grabs mine; that'll confirm it. No wait, that'll just show that I'm not interested. Oh fuck. Whatever."

My thought process hasn't matured since elementary school. What a boner.

My tip-toe-through-the-tulips moment lasted about 2 mins before we found our seats. Phone numbers were exchanged; I'm a bit fuzzy about how that happened. And "nice to meet you, we'll call you next weekend" texts followed the next morning during a pounding hangover.

It's always fun making new friends, right?




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Now playing: BloodHound Gang - A Lapdance is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying