A Middle School Story

It seems as though a lot of "blasts from the pasts" are coming out of the woodwork these days. All thanks to the magic of Facebook.

I just received a "friend request" from a girl who I knew in middle school.

Back story with this one. First time I met her was at an awkward middle school social. I remember being told by my friend Chrissy that this girl named Emma had a crush on me and wanted to know if I would "go out with her". Chrissy played the liaison. She was the messenger. That's how it worked back then.

I didn't even know who she was, but I saw her from a distance and weakly turned to my friend John for some kind of sign of what to say.

John finished lacing up his BK Knights and clasped me on the shoulder.

John: You have to do it. This will be like... your first girlfriend. Maybe you'll get to make out?

If it was good enough for John, it was good enough for me. Still uneasy, I said said the exact opposite of what my gut was telling me, "Sure, I guess." John and Chrissy both assured me I was doing the right thing.

I approached Emma for the first time ever and she shyly flicked her hair back a la' Winnie Cooper in the Wonder Years. We proceeded to have a conversation so incredibly awkward it could ONLY take place in middle school.

I believe in between my struggling to think of things to talk (my mind's kept going to it's default which was my recent discovery of my love of budding breasts), All 4 One's "I Swear" came on. Since we were now "going out" I nervously grabbed her waist and we started to dance.

It was at this time Emma leaned in and kissed me. My middle school's socials provided various entertainment outlets for its students. They opened up the gym for the jocks to shoot free throws. They opened up the computer lab for kids to set their pace to "grueling" on The Oregon Trail or command a tank in Bolo. They also opened up the Art Room and supplied free pop and snacks. One of those refreshments being Nacho Cheese Doritos.

I digress.

Emma leaned into kiss me and I'll never forget it. She tasted like Nacho Cheese Doritos. I was so repulsed that I waited til the song ended (goddamn that sax part!) and then powerwalked straight to my friend Chrissy. I wanted to call off the whole notion of "going out" with Emma Davidson.

I think Emma cried.

Funny how things haven't quite changed that much. I still strongly rely on friends for their input and advice on how to move forward with girls (just replace John with Leo). And I'm dissmissing girls with abstract little quirks.

Today she contacted me via Facebook and now we're friends.

And she's absolutely gorgeous.

She's a model now.

I'm sure there's some lesson to be learned here.

...

Fuck this. I'm going to the store to pick up some chips.

Cool Ranch, naturally.