"Do What You Want."

I don't claim to be the best person to go for advice. Forgetting the lyrics to Salute Your Shorts? I'm your man. Need a random Daniel Tosh quote to add to your library of snappy comebacks? I can do that. Can't remember who sang "Silent Running" to add to your 80's dance party mix? Put on these headphones and set your ears to stunned (it's Mike and the Mechanics, btw).

But relationship advice? I don't think I'm a guru. However, it seems so simple to me. I thought about this while sitting in a booth with my friend Veronica as she spilled her guts about a current boy dilemma she was having. And then yesterday, a fellow blogger initiated a gchat conversation asking for my point-of-view on a male issue.

In both situations, as I took everything in, I couldn't help but think that these problems have a very simple solution. I am going to provide you with the golden rule, the magical key to Narnia...

Do what you want.

Most people wouldn't think that this is very good advice (Veronica certainly didn't). Allow me to break down my thought process.

I'm the type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I understand that this isn't the best method for everyone, but having to always second guess your actions and constantly holding your cards close to your chest while sweat pours down your brow is one of the things I detest about the dating scene.

I'll use a simple (and quite popular) case to illustrate my point. Girl wants to call guy up, but girl overthinks and processes of every possible scenerio what might go wrong. E.g. guy might be scared off, guy might never return phone call, guy might gouge eyes out like Oedipus, guy might chug a bottle of Draino and throw himself off of a penthouse balcony.

If you feel like calling someone. Call them. If you feel like asking them out again. Ask em.

I don't get why people constantly struggle over these things. What are they afraid of? If the guy really likes you, then he'll enjoy the phone call! If he gets annoyed, or scared off, or any other other emotions that I can't quite relate to in regards to a simple phone call... then is he really going to be the one that you want to see again?

These back and forth games of trying to figure out what the other person is thinking, anticipating their move and holding back what you want to do to is absurd to me. It's a shitty game of Risk. And I fucking hate Risk.

onward to unnecessary over-analysis!

If you want to do something just do it.

If the guy really likes you, he's not going to be weirded out by a phone call. He's going to look forward to it. If he's anything other than excited, then do you really want to be with this guy anyway?

Anyway.

That's my thought process.

Take it with a grain of a salt. After all, it is ME you're asking.

You wouldn't ask a multiple amputee to hold your beer, right?