The Wedding Pt. 1: Breaking the Rules

I should have been able to predict the future events as the foreshadowing played right before me as I stepped off the plane into Portland.

"There are a lot of blond-girl-with-asian-guy couples hanging out in this terminal. Weird."

I took a spendy cab to Powell's bookstore and stumbled upon a fucking gem that I'm going to purchase soon (when I can afford to eat more than cans of tuna for dinner). I actually found myself laughing out loud, thumbing through mini-essays of Things I've Learned From the Women Who Dumped Me while waiting for Beth to get out of work.

As I saw her coming up the crosswalk to meet me, I could feel my heart in my throat. She had her trademark sideways smile on her face that I've always loved and her blond locks slightly bouncing with each step. And she remembered to wear flats. Fuck, she remembered to wear flats!

But I had to stick to my rule of "non-coupley, mind-fucking shit" this time around. We hugged, smiled and quickly grabbed lunch.

We briefly caught up and when we finished we playfully argued for a bit who was going to pay for lunch. She had a few things to take care of before she clocked out, so I waited for her in her studio apartment.

I must admit, it took every fiber of my being not to snoop around to get ANY evidence in writing that actually she had/has feelings for me. But I knew that if I went through with my plan to search the apartment like a forensic scientist, I'd feel like an absolute shit... so instead I shaved my beard while I took a shower.

I called my little brother up and he came and met me at a bar just outside of her apartment for a couple beers. We always have our serious talks over beer.

Lil' Bro: So now that we can talk about shit... what's the real deal with you and Beth?
So@24: What do you mean?
Lil' Bro: Shut the fuck up. This has been going on forever. What's going on?
So@24: Nothing, man. Beth and I finally addressed it, we're not doing that shit anymore.
Lil' Bro: Hmmm. Talk to Lynn lately?
So@24: Not for a couple of weeks.
Lil' Bro: I see.

When Beth finally got off work, my Lil' Bro took off while Beth and I headed to another bar. We drowned a couple of shots and shared stories & nachos. We spent most of the time discussing why fake cheese is perfect and caught up on each other's lives.

Afterwards, we stopped at Trader Joe's, picked up two bottles of champagne and a carton of orange juice.

Beth: I'm getting calls and texts from people that want to finally meet you and are wondering if we want to go out tonight. Do you feel like going?
So@24: I'm actually kind of tired. Maybe we should save tonight and go all out tomorrow for the wedding?
Beth: I was thinking the same thing.

While I dug in my suitcase to find the copy of The Orphanage that Leo was able to secure for me, Beth was stripping blankets from her bed to lay on the hardwood floor in front of her television.

Maybe it was a mixture of the mimosas, the shots, the beers that was causing my brain to swim... but I had a decision to make at that moment.

Am I going to stick to my rule of not going into couple mode? Or am I just going to enjoy the moment for what it is?

I picked the latter.

We laid down on our pathetic (albeit endearing) makeshift bed and watched an absolutely terrifying movie. I had an arm around her neck holding onto her shoulder (it went numb numerous times, but I didn't dare move it) and she had a hand on my chest and a leg draped over my thighs.

It felt comfortable. And it felt fucking nice. Being single and alone, my initial thought was: I've missed this shit. I didn't care if it wouldn't ever amount to anything serious. I figured, if I didn't allow myself to think too far ahead and over-analyze every move (as I often am guilty of); I might be able for once to just enjoy the goddamn moment.

The way I figured it: moments like these aren't going to be around forever. I'm going to find a girlfriend or, more likely, she is going to find a boy. As long as I don't read into anything and just appreciate the situation for what it is, it would be fine. I was happy for just a few hours. I miss fucking kissing the top of a girl's head and being that close to "girl smell" (her's is baby powder, if you're really curious).

And that's what I did. That's what we did. I stole a couple quick kisses during the movie and she leaned over for one herself.

When the movie ended and I saw that her eyes were shut tight, I gently poked her awake. She protested (with her eyes still closed), "I don't want to go to sleep yet."

"Come on let's just go to bed."

We remade the bed. I stripped into boxers, she put on a sweatshirt and pajama pants. We passed out, fingers interlocked.