An Evening with Janice

I met Janice at a bar in Hollywood. We hugged and sat down and immediately ordered drinks. Janice ordered a Raspberry Stolli with soda. She actually squealed with excitement when she noticed 3 raspberries were floating in her drink.

"EEEEEEE! Aren't these cutey??"

Oh God. My response to her question was three large gulps of my vodka Redbull.

Surprisingly enough, our conversation didn't really drag. I can admit I'm pretty good at feigning interest in what she has to say. She voiced to me that she didn't have work the next day and she wanted to get drunk. Fine by me, so do I!

2 Blue Moons, a pitcher of PBR, and 3 Touchdowns later, we find ourselves in a deep discussion once again about dating and the opposite sex.

I take a wild guess and say that her guy friends always try for something more with her. Here's the interesting part... she says that the problem is, is that they always try to DATE her. She makes some claim that she gives off this "girl next door", "bring home to mom" impression and instead of getting hit on all the time; guys try to enter a relationship. She was COMPLAINING that no guys just want her PHYSICALLY!

This absolutely blew my mind. I tried my best to not burst into laugher at the irony of the situation. There is no way in Hell, I'd ever date her. And I'm really only interested in her, well, physically. I guess this was my moment to kind of say something really smooth and would ultimately lead to us ripping off each other's clothes behind the bar dumpsters.

But what could I say really? "Hey! That could be me!" Maybe if I was at my home turf or even anywhere else but this dive bar, I could have done something. I need to find my balls at some point, I suppose.

However, the wheels are in motion now. She wants to hang out again this weekend. At least I know now that this girl isn't as prudish as originally thought. I leave you with some hilarious thoughts of wisdom from my friends:

Paxton: But the more you hang out and nothing happens, the more you're just the guy she 's going to bitch to about everything. So@24: Dammit! The Friendzone!
Paxton: yeah, that's the risk. you don't want to be this girl's friend.
Paxton: in fact, fuck that, very few guys want to be any girl's friend
So@24: HAHAHAA! Wow, Paxton. I don't know if I see eye to eye with you on that one.

Leslie: so did anything happen between you two?
So@24: No! I couldn't bring myself to do it!
Leslie: You are a PUSSY! I can't believe you didn't jump on that! AND you had an empty house! I'm so disappointed in you.
So@24: Whoa whoa whoa! First off, we weren't at my place! We were at a bar!
Leslie: You should have invited her over afterwards! That's what you do! You hang out at a bar and then invite her back to your house!
Leslie: PWNED!