"I'm a waste, like you"

Beth: yo
So@24: yo. What'd you do last night?
Beth: Went to Taco Bell. Realized the line was too long. Parked far away. Went to TJ's. Got a bottle of wine.
So@24: So you got sloshed in your apartment w/ a bottle of wine from Trader Joes?
Beth: Not sloshed, but I sucked at Jeopardy so I'm sure I was buzzed.
So@24: Blech. Wine is so gross.
Beth: Sophisticate your palate.
So@24: Good one.
Beth: What'd you do?
So@24: Went home. Ate some left overs. Took a shower. Watched Strangers with Candy. Went to bed.
Beth: So@24... why can't we just be together? We are living the same life.
So@24: "Sassafras Roots"
Beth: Green Day?
So@24: Yep. It's one of our many songs.
Beth: Maybe that can be the first song we dance to at our wedding.
So@24: Does this mean you'd actually wear a wedding dress?
Beth: Nooooooooo. Can you see me in a wedding dress??? So so awkward.
So@24: Yes I can.
Beth: "So@24! Grab me some scissors so we can cut off this train!"
So@24: "Beth! Get out of the men's dressing room, it's bad luck! Are you holding a glass of whiskey?"
Beth: "Love the teapot"
So@24: ???
Beth: Goddammit, So@24.
So@24: What??
Beth: You were saying that on New Years! It's a line from Sixteen Candles!
Beth: "Love the teapot" You don't remember saying it to the guy in the swimsuit? We both looked at each other and started busting up.
So@24: I don't remember that at all.
Beth: Her older sister takes muscle relaxers because she gets paranoid before her wedding and she's all crazy drugged up and while she's walking down the aisle she gets "tired" and sits down in her aunt's lap or something, starts playing with her hair and goes, "looooove the teapot."
So@24: Oh God. What happened when we go home? Did I do anything humiliating?
Beth: You were really drunk.
So@24: That's what I'm worried about.
Beth: You climbed right into bed and turned on the tv and fell asleep almost immediately.
So@24: Did I try to seal the deal?
Beth: Nope. Not at all.
So@24: What a gentleman.
Beth: I just crawled into your arm and fell asleep.
So@24: I feel bad I went to sleep right away. Did you want me to stay up with you?
Beth: I went to brush my teeth and by the time I got back you were out. It was okay though, I was thinking "awww... tuckered out."
So@24: I didn't try to kiss you or anything?
Beth: Nope.
So@24: Doesn't sound like me. I bet you're just saying that to spare my feelings.
Beth: No seriously. You were really drunk.